Twisted Adventures of The Forest
by Golden Ice
Summary: What happens when RiverClan is running low on water, it’s day all the time in ShadowClan, WindClan can’t catch a breeze, and ThunderClan’s stormed in? Please R&R! PLEASE R
1. Chapter 1: RiverClan

Twisted Adventures of the Forest

By Firestar's Gal

Set in the original series sometime.

This is my pathetic attempt to be funny.

What happens when RiverClan is running low on water, it's day all the time in ShadowClan, WindClan can't catch a breeze, and ThunderClan's stormed in? Find out here!

Chapter 1: RiverClan

Crookedstar: Let all those old enough to catch their own fish join at the highrock for a Clan meeting!

Leopardfur: What is it, Crookedstar?

Crookedstar: We're running low on water.

RiverClan cats: -laughing-

Mistyfoot: No, seriously, why'd you call us here?

Crookedstar: WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF WATER, PEOPLE!

Leopardfur: We're cats.

Crookedstar: Oh, excuse me. WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF WATER CATS!

Leopardfur: Was that so hard?

Mistyfoot: I'm going to go check the river. –Goes to check the river-

Crookedstar: When Mistyfoot comes back, she'll tell you all! –Laughs like a maniac-

Mistyfoot: -Comes back- I have to tell you all something! It's true! THE WATER'S GONE!

RiverClan cats: -Panicking-

Leopardfur: STOP!

RiverClan cats: -Stop running around mindlessly and turn heads to look at Leopardfur-

Leopardfur: We can't just run around and let ourselves die of thirst! We need to do something about this! –Looks up at Crookedstar hopefully-

Crookedstar: WE SHOULD HAVE A DEMOLITION DERBY!

Mistyfoot: What's a demolition derby?

Leopardfur: It's a thing where you go demolish everything in sight!

Crookedstar: Yeah. It's AWESOME!

Mistyfoot: Where should it be?

Crookedstar: IN ALL THE OTHER CLAN'S CAMPS!!!!!!!!!

RiverClan cats: YEAH!

Crookedstar: Okay, Leopardfur, go hand out the power saws to the kits and apprentices, Mistyfoot, give out the bazookas to the warriors, and I'll give out diapers and num-chucks to the elders.

Mistyfoot: Why diapers and num-chucks?

Crookedstar: Because the elders know the ancient ways of the num-chucks, and they have bladder problems.

Mistyfoot: I did not need to know that last part.

Crookedstar: WELL GET ON WITH IT!

Mistyfoot and Leopardfur: Yes, sir!

Mudfur: What do I get?

Crookedstar: You're a medicine cat, patient and wise. You can have my latest invention The NUMSAWZOOKA!

Mudfur: What's the numsawzooka?

Leopardfur: -hands kit a power saw- A numsawzooka is a combination of num-chucks, a power saw, and a bazooka.

Kit: -fires up power saw- MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE, SHADOWCLAN, DIE!

Crookedstar: Aw, how cute!

Leopardfur: Okay, Crookie, I've handed out all the power saws. The kits and apprentices are good to go.

Mistyfoot: Warriors and Elders secure sir.

Crookedstar: What about that elder?

Mistyfoot: Why is that elder's diaper yell-oh no.

Crookedstar: Oh, yes.

Mistyfoot: -Reluctantly goes to change elder's diaper-

Elder: BACK OFF, YOU FREAK!

Mistyfoot: JUST HOLD STILL!

Crookedstar and Leopardfur: O.O

Mistyfoot: -Coming back- Ready to go, sir.

Leopardfur: What are you using sir?

Crookedstar: Numsawzooka.

Leopardfur: Okay, troops, let's go! First stop, SHADOWCLAN!


	2. Chapter 2: ShadowClan

**Hi! Thanks to all those who reviewed, and thanks to all of you who came back to read! Now we're in the ShadowClan camp for chapter 2.**

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Chapter 2: ShadowClan

Nightstar: All evil cats old enough to catch their own toads gather here around the dark pit of the underworld for a Clan meeting!

Cinderfur: Is it about the sun?

Nightstar: Yes, apparently, it's not going away.

Cinderfur: Yes, and that's odd because…?

Nightstar: We're ShadowClan, and we're not supposed to have light at all.

Runningnose: -to StarClan- Yeah, we kind of got a rep goin' on here, and it'd be great if you could turn off the lights.

StarClam: Sorry, StarClan could not be in right now, so I, StarClam, the star-shaped clam, have taken over. Temporarily. –Darty eyes-

StarClan cats: -tied up with duct tape over mouths- Help us! Help us!

Runningnose: O.o

Cinderfur: It's hot with the sun out!

Nightstar: It's a good thing we stole all of RiverClan's water.

Cinderfur: I'll say.

ShadowClan cats: -start lapping from the water-

RiverClan cats: -storm in-

-Lightening flash-

RiverClan kits and apprentices: -fire up power saws-

RiverClan warriors: -turn bazookas toward ShadowClan cats-

RiverClan elders: -swing num-chucks-

Mudfur and Crookedstar: -fire up, swing, and turn numsawzookas on ShadowClan cats-

ShadowClan cats: -panicking and running around randomly like madmen- AAAAH!

Random ShadowClan cat #1: Okay, what up with the yellow diapers?

Random ShadowClan cat #2: It's a NUMSAWZOOKA!

Crookedstar: ATTACK!

Leopardfur: Okay, Crookie.

Crookedstar: Stop it, huh?

RiverClan cats: -attacking- HAHAHA!

ShadowClan cats: -still panicking- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

RiverClan cats: -demolishing the camp-

ShadowClan cats: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Random RiverClan cat #1: Babies.

Random ShadowClan elder: Yeah, at least we don't wear diapers!

Random RiverClan elder: Oh, it's on! ELDERS, ATTACK!

RiverClan elders: -attacking ShadowClan elders with num-chucks-

ShadowClan elders: -being attacked by RiverClan elders with num-chucks-

All other cats: -stop to look at elders beating each other up-

Random ShadowClan elder: EEEEW! YOU'RE GETTING PEE ON ME!

Random RiverClan elder: WATCH IT!

All other cats: -ignoring elders killing already near-dead useless other elders-

Nightstar: So, what's up with the demolition?

Crookedstar: I thought it'd be fun.

Nightstar: Hey, you wanna see something really scary?

Crookedstar: Sure.

Nightstar: ATTENTION EVERYONE! GIVE IT UP FOR HANNAH MONTANA!

All cats (even elders, who had stopped fighting, and hadn't all joined StarClan who were currently devising a plan to escape from StarClam): AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (in fear)

Hannah Montana: YOU GET THE BBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTT

OF BOTH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

RiverClan kits and apprentices: -give extra power saws to ShadowClan kits and apprentices-

RiverClan warriors: -give extra bazookas to ShadowClan warriors-

What's left of the RiverClan elders: -give extra num-chucks to what's left of the ShadowClan elders-

Mudfur and Crookedstar: -give numsawzookas to Runningnose and Nightstar-

ShadowClan: Thanks.

All cats: -look evilly at Hannah Montana and fire up weapons-

Hannah Montana: -still singing- GOTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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**I hope you all liked the chapter! I hate Hannah Montana (actually, I love the show and I hate the music) and I had to add her in a chapter. If you like Hannah Montana, too bad, this is what you get. If you hate her too, read my other story, Suicidal Hannah.**

**-Firestar's Gal **


	3. Chapter 3: WindClan

Chapter 3: WindClan

Deadfoot: Man. It sure is stale out here. Where'd the wind go?

Tallstar: We must alert the Clan! –jumps on to highrock- LET ALL THOSE FAST ENOUGH TO CATCH THEIR OWN RABBITS JOIN BENETH THE HIGHROCK FOR A CLAN MEETING!!!!!!!!!

Onewhisker: We're already here.

WindClan cats: -nod in agreement-

Tallstar: I've called you all here because-

Onewhisker: The wind, it's gone, we know, we know.

Tallstar: Yes, but we need to know why!

StarClam: IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME IF THAT'S WHAT YOUR THINKING!!!!! –Darty eyes-

Barkface: Who are you and what have you done with StarClan!

StarClam: I am the almighty StarClam, the star-shaped clam and I have taken over!

Barkface: Why?

StarClam: It sounded like a good idea at the time. Plus, StarFish already got dibs on the Tribe of Endless Hunting.

Barkface: The what?

StarClam: Oops, you're not supposed to know about that until Dawn.

Tallstar: StarClam, did you take our wind?

StarClam: Actually, I think it was ShadowClan. But I took their dark!

Tallstar: Do you know how we can get our wind back?

StarClam: -hides bag labeled: WINDCLAN'S WIND in shell- I have no idea. But, like I said, you won't find it up here. –Disappears-

Tallstar: That was odd.

-Hannah Montana comes running ahead of RiverClan and ShadowClan who have power saws, bazookas, num-chucks, and numsawzookas-

Onewhisker: There's the wind!

Nightstar: HEY! You should be helping us murder Hannah Montana, not standing around looking for wind!

Crookedstar: Yeah! Take some weapons!

RiverClan and ShadowClan kits and apprentices: -give WindClan kits and apprentices extra power saws-

WindClan kits and apprentices: -start up power saws- DIE, HANNAH, DIE!!!! MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!

RiverClan and ShadowClan warriors: -give WindClan warriors extra bazookas-

WindClan warriors: -start chasing Hannah Montana- MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

RiverClan and ShadowClan elders (that haven't died from the fight in chapter 2): -give WindClan elders extra num-chucks-

WindClan elders: -swinging their num-chucks- HI-YAH!

Crookedstar: -hands Tallstar and Barkface numsawzookas-

Tallstar and Barkface: COOL!

Onewhisker: HEY! I WANT ONE OF THOSE!

Tallstar: Too bad, you're not a leader, so you can't have one.

Onewhisker: Barkface is not a leader either.

Tallstar: But he's a medicine cat!

Crookedstar: Oh, and before we forget…

Leopardfur: Oh, right. Good call Crookie.

Crookedstar: I do not appreciate that.

RiverClan: -demolishing WindClan camp-

Tallstar: What the heck?

RiverClan: -stop demolishing WindClan camp-

Crookedstar: Is everybody ready?

Nightstar and Tallstar: Yep.

Leaders: ATTACK!

RiverClan, ShadowClan, and WindClan: -chase after Hannah Montana-

Hannah Montana: -running- YOU GET THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRST OF BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLDS!

Onewhisker: YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN!

Random third grader: I LOVE YOU HANNAH MONTANA!

Onewhisker: -murders third grader-

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**To fully understand the third grader thing, read Suicidal Hannah.**

**If you like Hannah Montana, I don't care, this is too fun!**

**-Firestar's Gal**


	4. Chapter 4: ThunderClan

**Sorry for the long wait (over a whole day! wow!), but I have had a ton of stuff to do because school starts back next week. I had clothes shopping and school supplies shopping, not to mention my last day at the water park. I shall miss it most immensely. Anyway, on with the story!**

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Chapter 4: ThunderClan

Fireheart: -looking out of camp window- Oh, crud, we're stormed in.

Graystripe: What kind of storm?

Fireheart: Thunderstorm.

Bluestar: -singing- I'm loopy, you're looooooooooooooooooooooooooooopy! Everybody's looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooopy! YAY!

Graystripe: What the heck?

Sandstorm: Why is THUNDERClan stormed in because of a THUNDERstorm?

Graystripe: What do we do?

Fireheart: -pulls mic out of nowhere- KARAOKE!

ThunderClan cats: YEAH!

Fireheart: -jumps up on stage that magically appeared- Thanks for the stage, StarClam!

ThunderClan cats: StarClam?

Fireheart: Yeah, the star-shaped clam. I met him when I was a kittypet. He told me he was going to capture StarClan and see if the forest cats actually believed he was taking over. He has the power to make platforms to appear out of thin air.

ThunderClan cats: Oh.

Fireheart: CAN I GET A WOOT WOOT!

ThunderClan cats: WOOT WOOT!

Fireheart: OH YEAH! I'll sing a song, then I'll toss the mic into the crowd and whoever catches it sings next!

ThunderClan cats: OKAY!

Fireheart: You love her, but she loves him. He loves somebody else, you just can't win. And so it goes till the day you die, this thing they call love is gonna make you cry! I've had the blues, the reds and the pinks, one thing's for sure

ThunderClan cats: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

Graystripe: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

Sandstorm: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

ThunderClan cats: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH! Two by two and side by side Love's gonna find you yes it is you just can't hide you'll hear it call your heart will fall Then love will fly It's gonna soar I don't care for any Casanova thing All I can say is LOVE STINKS!

ThunderClan cats: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

Graystripe: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

Sandstorm: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

ThunderClan cats: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH! I've been through diamonds I've been through minks I've been through it all Love stinks!

ThunderClan cats: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

Graystripe: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

Sandstorm: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: LOVE STINKS! YEAH! YEAH!

ThunderClan cats: LOVE STINKS!

Fireheart: YEAH!!!! WHOO!

ThunderClan cats: WHOOOOOOO!

Fireheart: -tosses mic into crowd-

Bluestar: -catches mic-

Fireheart: Uh oh. GIVE IT UP FOR BLUESTAR!

Bluestar: -hops up on stage- I'M GONNA SING THE LOOPY SONG!

Graystripe: That's fitting.

Bluestar: I'M LOOPY! YOU'RE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPY! EVERYODY'S LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPY! WHOO! YEAH!

ThunderClan: Whoo?

Bluestar: -throws mic into crowd-

Hannah Montana: -catches mic-

All cats (including RiverClan, ShadowClan, and WindClan, who had chased Hannah Montana there): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hannah Montana: -jumping on stage- EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES! EVERYBODY HAS THOSE DAYS! EXCEPT FOR ME BECAUSE I'M PERFECT! THIS IS MY NEW SONG, I AM SO PERFECT! -Starts singing- I AM SO PERFECT! AND HOW I WORK IT! I DON'T DO ANYTHING AGAIN BECAUSE I ALWAYS GET IT RIGHT!

All cats: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! –Throw tomatoes and various other vegetables at Hannah Montana-

Hannah Montana: -stops singing- FREE VEGETABLES! FOR ME! THANK YOU! –Tomato hits eye- Hey! Watch your aim! –Tons of other vegetables hit face- OUCH! IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU'RE AIMING FOR ME!

ThunderClan cats: -get out pitchforks and torches and join mob-

Hannah Montana: Here we go again.

All cats: ATTACK!

Hannah Montana: -runs away screaming- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

All cats: -run after her-

.:A little later:.

Everybody: -arrive at Barley's barn-

Ravenpaw: Hey! Could you keep it down! Barley and I were just having a disco party with some hot rogues to celebrate the fact that we freed StarClan and captured StarClam in this little bottle –holds up bottle- see?

Barley: Hey, Ravenpaw did you get rid of the noi- whoa.

Ravenpaw: Yeah, that's a ton of cats.

Barley: Not that! That's Hannah Montana! Why haven't you killed her yet?

Fireheart: Well, we were going to, but we needed to chase her down like a decent mob first.

Barley: We can fix that.

.:A little later:.

Narrator: So, that's how the story goes. Barley and Ravenpaw tied Hannah Montana up and burned her at the stake while all the cats danced at the disco party in Barley's barn. All the Clan cats sang karaoke and had the night of their lives while they danced around Hannah Montana's burning corpse. On top of all that, The thunderstorm ended, WindClan got their wind back, ShadowClan was rid of the sun once and for all, RiverClan got their water back and taught ShadowClan a lesson about stealing.

THE END

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**Yes, as you have figured out, this is only a fourshot. There shall be no more of Twisted Adventures of the Forest, but I shall write more funny fics and maybe a chatfic along the way. Tffn, mi compadres.**

**-Firestar's Gal**


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